Beerlosophy and other Alcoholic Rationalisations

’I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.’

Frank Sinatra

’Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver".’

Jack Handy

’24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?’

Stephen Wright

’The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.’

William Butler Yeats

’Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time’.

Catherine Zandonella

’Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.’

Benjamin Franklin

’If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.’

Deep Thought, Jack Handy

’Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.’

Anonymous

’A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.’

W.C. Fields

’What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?’

Tee Mans

’When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.’

Henny Youngman

’Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.’

Michelle Mastrolacasa

’I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.’

Tom Waits

’You can’t be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons - but at the very least you need a beer.’

Frank Zappa

’Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.’

Winston Churchill

’Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza’"

Dave Barry

’The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.’

Humphrey Bogart

’Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.’

Kaiser Wilhelm

’You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.’

Dean Martin

’You know you’re drunk when you fall off the floor.’

Unknown

’And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light".’

Unknown

’To some its a six-pack, to me it’s a support Group’

Unknown

’If I had all the money I’ve spent on booze..... I’d spend it on booze’

Ernest Hemingway

’Booze is the answer. I don’t remember the question.’

Anonymous

’Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.’

Ernest Hemmingway

’People who drink light "beer" don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.’

Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI