Enlightenment: Observations of a traveling American (Views on little known International cultural phenomenons)

Enlightenment...

Friday, 13 September, 2002

Damn. 32 hours and I have made it from Vienna to Dublin. 4 trains, one taxi, one hotel in Wales, and a ferry. I just made some purchases for the new job. I’m going to crash at this hostel for 2 days and then head to the other coast, and hopefully be at work by 3:30 pm.

Anyway, as I can’t get into my hostel for another 20 minutes, I thought I would enlighten you folks with some profound cultural discoveries I have made this month. They are in no particular order, except for the first one. It was the one that scares me the most.

 1. The Brits are obsessed with Dick Van Dyke. This may sound like a joke but I am 100% serious. It all started at dinner with James asking me if "D.V.D."was a god in the states. I thought he was "taking a piss" so I was sarcastic and said yes. Evidently, as many of us rush home to watch the Simpsons, UK university students make sure to never miss an episode of Diagnosis Murder. James and Nicky both stated that it is a "brilliant" show and the plot is impeccable. (Quincy is their second favorite!) I asked other Brits in other stops and everyone looked at me like I was insane. "Of course! 1 o’clock everyday. waiting for the new season." Apparently this phenomenon stems from their love of his "terrible cockney accent" in Mary Poppins, which the mention of said Disney film spurs them ALL into a rousing rendition of "chim chimerie." It is frighteningly universal amongst all uni students. I have been laughing for weeks because of this and the countless trivia that is thrown at me about characters and cameos on the show (10 minutes were devoted to figuring out D.V.D.’s son’s name, as he is evidently a regular!)

 2. Traveling males from Los Angeles agree that women should have "asses like a twelve year old." We’re talking "quality with at capital "K" here kids. It was a repeated many times in many places. And you wonder why people think Americans are strange.

 3. Slovenians are the sweetest people on Earth unless they work in the tourist industry. If they work in a hotel, hostel, tourist information center, or restaurant, they want you dead.

 4. People hate that Americans have "cute" and "quaint" in their vocabulary. They feel like the US feels that Europe is just a Xeroxed copy of the US, reduced to 62%.

 5. The Irish know nothing about wine. And Kiwi & I went to the store to get the best Shiraz we could find for $5. The Irish had no idea there were so many types beyond red and white. The ones that are well traveled know "rosie" or "the crappy pink stuff" (to quote Colm).

 6.The word "fanny" has a very different meaning than our meaning in the UK, Australia, and Ireland. It is not the posterior, but the front of a woman’s anatomy where a child comes out. They find "leave it to beaver" hilarious as Ward uses the phrase "get your fanny down here" often. Also, when the phrase "fanny pack" is said, they going into convulsions of laughter.