102 Ways to Tell if You're Stuck in the 80's

1. your fondest childhood memory is when Skippy got his head stuck in the banister

2. you relax by putting on your leg warmers and dancing to the "Footloose" soundtrack

3. you think the Two Coreys are "totally awesome"

4. you're still bitter that Wham! broke up

5. Punky Brewster is your hero

6. you type all of your term papers on a Commodore 64

7. you still resent your parents for not installing a dumbwaiter in your house like Webster's

8. the only video games you play are Frogger and Pac Man

9. you're building your own Clockwork Smurf

10. your summer attire is Jellies and Jams

11. A-Ha's "Take on Me" is still your favorite video

12. you consider yourself truly, truly, truly outrageous, much like Jem and the Holograms

13. you wonder why more people don't wear high heels, Jordache jeans, and lacy ankle socks

14. you call all motorcycle cops "Ponch"

15. every time you go to the beach you look for Snorks

16. you're still upset Madonna and Sean broke up

17. you know who Stinky Sullivan is

18. you work out with "Get in Shape Girl"

19. you want to be Molly Ringwald when you grow up

20. you enjoy dancing on the ceiling and wearing your sunglasses at night

21. you know who Loverboy is

22. you think there should be a Kids Incorporated original cast reunion

23. you think of Janet Jackson as "that girl who used to date Willis"

24. you can sing the theme song to Small Wonder

25. every time you see a fountain you want to dance around it and yell "Fame!"

26. you still have a shoebox full of Garbage Pail Kid cards

27. you write your congressman asking him to introduce a bill to make "Born in the USA" the national anthem

28. you still use your Snoopy Sno-Cone machine

29. you know it's not "comma, comma, comma" it's karma

30. you stay up nights wondering what Bastian's mother's name was in "The Neverending Story"

31. you have nightmares about the Peculiar Purple Pieman of Porcupine Peak

32. you still practice your Care Bear Stare

33. you know that girls just wanna have fuh-un

34. you can name all The Wuzzles

35. you harbor a secret dream of being slimed by Alistair

36. you can do the Safety Dance

37. in your spare time you are writing "The Breakfast Club 2"

38. you like to "connect the dots, la la la la!"

39. someone mentions Jennifer Beals and you don't say "Who?"

40. your prized possession is a collection of "Return of the Jedi" Shrinky Dinks

41. you know whose number is 867-5309

42. you get depressed thinking about Anthony Michael Hall's career

43. you're starting a write-in campaign to MTV to bring back Remote Control

44. you drink Diet Coke because Max Headroom told you to

45. you consider Jo vs. Blair the major philosophical conflict of the 20th century

46. you have a duck phone and ride around your house on a little train

47. you want to be one of the Solid Gold Dancers

48. you still watch things on Beta

49. you want to change your name to Rio and dance on the sand

50. you know that "Weird Science" was a movie before a TV show

51. your favorite proverb is "some like it hot and some sweat when the heat is on"

52. you always waited for the Sweet Pickles Bus to visit your house

53. your favorite party game is Hungry Hungry Hippos

54. you saw the New Kids on the Block when they were Tiffany's opening act

55. you liked Tom Hanks better when he was a crossdresser

56. you know which Hollywood Square Jim J Bullock was in

57. you practice getting in and out of your car through the windows

58. you have the tendency to turn up the collar of your polo shirts

59. you're still wondering who really was the boss

60. you know what the "P" in "Alex P. Keaton" stands for

61. you keep asking your teachers if instead of the quiz you can take the physical challenge

62. you organize weekend tournaments of TV tag

63. you still drink New Coke

64. when you watch "Terminator 2" you wonder where Vincent is

65. you know ALF's real name

66. you never go out for a night on the town without frosted blue eyeshadow and feathered bangs

67. you can name all of the Thundercats

68. you got a hankerin' for a hunk of cheese

69. everything in your wardrobe is either pastel or fluorescent

70. your musical inspiration is Sonny Mann

71. sometimes you just want to shout, shout, let it all out

72. you're planning a dream vacation to Mepos

73. you use your Speak and Spell to phone home

74. you know the original members of Menudo

75. sometimes out of the blue you just got to shake your love

76. when you're stuck in traffic you tell your car to engage Turbo Boost and are surprised when it doesn't talk back

77. you remember when Vanessa sang Karaoke to "Locomotion"

78. you know that Mr. Steele functions best in an advisory capacity.

79. people are constantly gagging you with spoons

80. your idea of appreciating ancient cultures is "Walk Like an Egyptian"

81. the only thing you know about the Nazis is that they threw Indy to the snakes

82. you still use your hair crimper before going out on a hot date

83. you hatch plots to break Murdock out of VA hospital

84. you know which five people Serpentor's DNA came from

85. you have "We Are the World" on 45

86. you're still sending death threats to Mr. Rubik

87. you can feel St. Elmo's fire burnin' in you

88. you still roller skate to "pour some sugar on me".

89. you check your Swatch Watch to see if it's time to watch "Mr. Belvedere"

90. you still can't figure out why you just can't seem to find that telephone charm for your plastic charm necklace.

91. snap bracelets get you into trouble at school

92. you play with "My Little Ponies"

93. friendship bracelets are ties that can't be broken

94. you desperately search the bookshelves for the new Nancy Drew, The Hardy Boys, The Babysitters Club, Sweet Valley High, or Choose Your Own Adventure

95. you still wear a scrunchi on one side of your hypercolor shirt and french roll your pink jeans so that your multiple pairs of socks are visible

96. puff paints are your artistic medium

97. you know what Willis was "talkin' 'bout" and the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off"

98. you cross your fingers that Zack Morris will ditch Kelly and ask you out on a date

99. you know where to go if you "wanna go where everybody knows your name"

100. you are very careful about what you say, for fear of being slimed or that you might say the word of the day

101. you still sport your Wonder Woman or Superman underoos

102. you are still trying to figure out how MacGyver picked a lock with a toothbrush


photo cover: Tracy Thomas